Our breakup heroes. No one does it quite like Blair and Chuck.
“Captain Kirk, we have two more 2 more Bagel heads to join USS Excelsior.”
No we're afraid not. These two men aren’t extras on the latest Star Trek film. What you are actually looking at is the latest FAD to take over Japan.
Teenagers across Japan are going to tattoo parlors where they are being injected with saline. This saline monstrosity lump can then be molded into any shape and the IN fashion shape is the Bagel.
We have never seen such a pointless and in fact gross creation in all our life. Once again Japan is at the forefront of the freak industry and seemingly proud.
But we are happy to report that these men actually have a second chance as the saline disappears within 24 hours leaving no permanent damage (we'll believe it when we see it!) All we can say is let’s hope this FAD lasts 24 hours as well.
All you girls know that feeling of hating someone but still loving them for whatever reason. Usually family sometimes friends and for Melania Trump the new skyscraper named after her.
For us guys it’s different; it exists usually with our penis.
Yes we know you're probably wondering where this is going but listen up because us guys can’t just lie back and think of England; we have our little man who controls our fate. This little man who spent the first 13 years of our lives in a dormant state, well looked after but massively ignored, demands on one fateful year that its boss now. We can’t control this, its like Alan Sugar posses our little friend; unless we do what it wants we're fired.
So for the next few years (few here meaning 40 years) we do what it wants, when it wants. If it’s lonely we look after it with a Kleenex on hand. When it wants to party we go out and look for its female cousin to dance with. When its our little boss mans birthday we go all out to give him the time of his life. But we can't complain about this; when Mr. Sugar is happy, were happy. We love him you see. So, you're probably wondering if we love our dicks so much, how is this relevant to the topic of love and hate? Well the insult ‘you dick’ we believe comes from the fact that our little man is sometimes the biggest dick to us. See when we hit puberty little man isn’t so little anymore, well he is most the time, he just likes to show us how tall he’s getting from time to time. Its these ‘time to times’ that only he decides and we have no control. Most or the time he shows us whilst were looking at the newest video on redtube or giving him a wash in the shower. Yet sometimes he likes to act like the dick he truly is.
As stated earlier he quite likes to party; so we go out in search for that something to dance with and having a few drinks along the way. After a long night we finally find that something for him. We are all excited thinking little mans going to be just so proud of us, we drop our pants and show little man what we got him (or bought him). Reaction…….reaction…. come on little man show us how tall you are. “Hmmmmm……this doesn’t usually happen just wait a bit longer.” It’s no use. Little man sometimes decides he doesn’t want to play this game anymore using the excuse of the alcohol we apologise to the present we found him and try and hide our embarrassment.
Oh and yet, the bastard gets worse. Guys remember those circumstances at school where during your lesson your minds wandered to the girl you have your eye on and buddy decides to react the only way he knows, to show us how tall he is. The bell suddenly goes and we all think shit! We wait taking ages to put our pens in the case, urging buddy to be a friend and go to sleep but he usually doesn’t listen all he wants is his best friend Kleenex. So we think quickly, either we put our books in front of buddy (although sometimes this looks a little awkward) or we do the quick tuck up facing up and out of our trousers but hidden by our shirt. Once we're out of the sight of others he only then decides to sleep!
So you get the picture he likes to screw us over as much as he makes us happy, he enjoys to see us squirm and you can’t punish him. The modern day love hate relationship is indeed between the man and his penis. As Francais Smedley said, “All is fair in love and war.” Oh how true this is. For all we hate him for, he still gives us untellable pleasure, how fair is that?
IS it just us or has everyone noticed that Michael Jackson has disappeared from the limelight. Is it just US or is everyone slightly relieved. With all due respect to the man the story got tiresome in the end.
Why are we so interested in the story of his ex-wife Debbie Rowe who really has achieved nothing in her life other than marrying a star, had some pups (very rich pups now) and getting a lot of dosh. She’s the cleverest type of gold digger or prostitute whatever you would call her. So with all respect to her and her many talents she’s not exactly what I want to read about every morning.
Another source of news which has kept springing up is about the medication Jackson was taking and the doctor was giving him. Firstly I feel sorry for this doctor; he was hired by possibly the most powerful man in pop and did what his demanding client (or boss in this circumstance) asked, to pump him up with pain-killers. Its not as if Jackson was so deluded to believe that all the pain killers were not harming him. So it’s with deep pleasure that we note that the story of the drugs and doctors are circulating less and less.
Now we don’t want to take significance away from a man who has achieved so much in his life but one article saying he has passed away is the same as the next article saying he’s gone to heaven.
Here was a musical genius a suspected paedophile although never convicted, an icon of our times. He wont be laid to rest for a good long while, not least whilst there are stories hiccoughing out of nowhere but for now the stories are less and less and for that we wont deny we are grateful…'till the next story Michael R.I.P.
We've all got one... The friend who calls you six times a day, usually with a new and different crisis (though rest assured each is as traumatic as the last), the friend who can't tell you that you look hot in your new dress but preens themselves in front of your mirror and throws a tantrum if you don't throw them a compliment, the friend who has to know what you're doing 24/7 lest you be establishing a friendship with someone else.
Don't get us wrong, these friends are friends for a reason; they take you out to the best bars and clubs, party with you, bitch about your ex's new girlfriend, stalk said girlfriend relentlessly via facebook and report back with a "don't worry, she's hideous, he's totally in denial over loosing you." Of course they're fun (we know you're not all stupid or self torturing enough to get nothing out of a friendship and act as a proverbial punching bag for these people) but none the less, there comes a point where they're leaving whining voicemails on your phone; "why won't you pick up? Are you mad at me? Where are you? I really need you and you're not by your phone." And you're deliberately avoiding your blackberry messenger in case they see their blackberry message to you has been 'read'.
At FAD we like to call these people our 'toxic friends', and believe us we've had a fair few. And we've come up with a few ideas on how to deal with them.
You can go the 'tough love' route and tell them to suck it up that no, the fact he hasn't returned their call is not because he's busy but instead because turning up at his door at 3am marginally freaked him out.
You can lie and say you're out of the country (although thanks to facebook this is an increasingly difficult one to follow through on).
You can cut them out completely, hiding in the toilets when you see them, changing your phone number and affecting a "oh wow, no I didn't know you'd been trying to get hold of me for 6 weeks. Oh whoops must dash to my manicure appointment."
Or you can be honest. You can say look, you're a great friend most of the time but you need to realise that we're not living in a re inaction of Gossip Girl or the OC (the good season, before Ryan got all psycho and brooding) and surprisingly I do have a life outside of our friendship and I'd like to be able to live that a little.
