Monday, 17 August 2009

The Modern Day Love-Hate Relationship

All you girls know that feeling of hating someone but still loving them for whatever reason. Usually family sometimes friends and for Melania Trump the new skyscraper named after her.

For us guys it’s different; it exists usually with our penis.

Yes we know you're probably wondering where this is going but listen up because us guys can’t just lie back and think of England; we have our little man who controls our fate. This little man who spent the first 13 years of our lives in a dormant state, well looked after but massively ignored, demands on one fateful year that its boss now. We can’t control this, its like Alan Sugar posses our little friend; unless we do what it wants we're fired.

So for the next few years (few here meaning 40 years) we do what it wants, when it wants. If it’s lonely we look after it with a Kleenex on hand. When it wants to party we go out and look for its female cousin to dance with. When its our little boss mans birthday we go all out to give him the time of his life. But we can't complain about this; when Mr. Sugar is happy, were happy. We love him you see. So, you're probably wondering if we love our dicks so much, how is this relevant to the topic of love and hate? Well the insult ‘you dick’ we believe comes from the fact that our little man is sometimes the biggest dick to us. See when we hit puberty little man isn’t so little anymore, well he is most the time, he just likes to show us how tall he’s getting from time to time. Its these time to times that only he decides and we have no control. Most or the time he shows us whilst were looking at the newest video on redtube or giving him a wash in the shower. Yet sometimes he likes to act like the dick he truly is.

As stated earlier he quite likes to party; so we go out in search for that something to dance with and having a few drinks along the way. After a long night we finally find that something for him. We are all excited thinking little mans going to be just so proud of us, we drop our pants and show little man what we got him (or bought him). Reaction…….reaction…. come on little man show us how tall you are. “Hmmmmm……this doesn’t usually happen just wait a bit longer.” It’s no use. Little man sometimes decides he doesn’t want to play this game anymore using the excuse of the alcohol we apologise to the present we found him and try and hide our embarrassment.

Oh and yet, the bastard gets worse. Guys remember those circumstances at school where during your lesson your minds wandered to the girl you have your eye on and buddy decides to react the only way he knows, to show us how tall he is. The bell suddenly goes and we all think shit! We wait taking ages to put our pens in the case, urging buddy to be a friend and go to sleep but he usually doesn’t listen all he wants is his best friend Kleenex. So we think quickly, either we put our books in front of buddy (although sometimes this looks a little awkward) or we do the quick tuck up facing up and out of our trousers but hidden by our shirt. Once we're out of the sight of others he only then decides to sleep!

So you get the picture he likes to screw us over as much as he makes us happy, he enjoys to see us squirm and you can’t punish him. The modern day love hate relationship is indeed between the man and his penis. As Francais Smedley said,All is fair in love and war.” Oh how true this is. For all we hate him for, he still gives us untellable pleasure, how fair is that?

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